Our Senior Social Worker, Robyn, specialises in supporting children and young people up to age 25, who have had a family member cared for by Royal Trinity Hospice. Robyn helps in navigating life limiting illness and can help support children and young people through their grief. As a part of Children’s Grief Awareness Week, Robyn shares her expertise in this blog post.

What does hope look like for a child whose loved one has a life-limiting illness?

Losing a loved one can be one of the hardest experiences for a young person. As adults, we want to protect children from pain and seeing them face such sadness can feel heartbreaking. As their guardian, it’s important to remember the power you have in helping your child cope.

Here are some ways that you can bring hope to your child when they’re facing the death of a loved one:

• Making sure they feel included, by being told what’s happening in an age appropriate, and honest way.

Whilst we know that this can feel like one of the most difficult things to do, we also know that it’s one of the most important. This doesn’t mean telling your child every detail (although for some families, it might), but children are intuitive, and if there’s something up, chances are they know. Children feel reassured knowing that things aren’t being kept from them so having open conversations can bring a sense of closeness.

• Reassuring them that all feelings are ok.

If your child tells you, or you notice that they’re feeling a certain way, reassure them it’s okay to feel that way. For instance, if they feel angry at the person who’s dying, a response like “I feel that way too sometimes; it doesn’t make you a bad person” can ease guilt or shame. This openness encourages them to share their feelings now and in the future.

• Helping them feel that they’re not alone.

Family solidarity can greatly help children cope with loss, and hearing from other young people can also be powerful. The website Talk Grief, run by Winston’s Wish, offers podcasts, videos and blog posts by young people, providing hope to other young people facing similar loss.  

• Giving reassurance that things will get better.

Along with normalising their feelings, reassuring your child that things will get better can be helpful. You can explain the idea of ‘Growing Around Grief’; that while grief stays the same, life grows around it, meaning that over time grief feels as though it takes up less space. Validating feelings first, then assuring your child that things won’t always feel this way can bring a lot of comfort and sense of hope.

Supporting a child while handling your own grief is challenging, so please be kind to yourself.

Please know that you’re also not alone. Call the hospice on 020 7787 1000 or email [email protected] to get in touch with Robyn. All of our family support and counselling services are provided free of charge to ensure people have the right support when they need it.